Jeff Russell

Glad you're enjoying it, and you're most welcome!

1) Yeah, I think that's a good way of looking at it, and definitely one of the facets involved. I tend to think of it more in terms that what is good for any one person may or may not be visible to others, for a variety of reasons, including a failure to separate our own wants and needs from those of another, to say nothing of our own perceptions of separateness. For example, what is best for my daughters at any given moment may or may not be what I would like, or they would like, or either of us would like, and there are situations that bring those into stark relief, both because of the a lack of actual/perceived separateness (my happiness is largely dependent on theirs), but also differences in knowledge, perspective, and judgment - like when my 6 year old asks me for help on something, and I have to make the call between offering it, showing that I love her and want to help her do the things she wants to do, and denying it, pushing her to do it on her own and develop her capacities. In any one case of that, I might offer the help (or not) due to any one of a. over- or under- appreciating our separateness vis-a-vis that task, b. having good intentions misapplied (like, say, trying to push her when she needs support more), c. having bad intentions that nevertheless work out (I'm tired and don't want to do it, but that forced her to develop her independence), d. a good or bad judgment on which is called for, or e. lots of other things!

2) Responding to the follow-on comment here as well. I think that your follow-on gets closer to the distinction Spangler is trying to make - a kindness is a good intentioned act, whereas a blessing has a further spiritual component to it. My reading of him is that kindnesses and blessings can and do often come together - offering you a home-cooked meal with love might be both, even if, say, it included dessert when you're trying to lay off the sweets, but they don't necessarily have to. A blessing might not include an accompanying kind act, and sometimes kind acts are just "mundanely nice" without any spiritual "oomph." It gets more complicated with misattunements like you suggest, especially since a kindness can be recognized as such, even when done poorly - if I'm laying off sweets and someone offers me a chocolate bar, even if I'm annoyed at the extra willpower it takes not to eat it, I'm likely still appreciative that the other person was trying to be nice, but it'd be less likely to have the weight of a spiritual blessing to it, though I suppose it's possible (maybe that extra practice with my willpower was just what I needed, or the blessing comes through in other ways).

Cheers,
Jeff